Finn's secret
by PandaBlades
Summary: Finn is all alone now, and he has just discovered something terrible that he thinks will help him cope...
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1.

 _Do it_. _Do it. Do it. Do It. DO IT. DO IT! DO IT!DOITDOITDOITDOITDOIT—''_ ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT, I WILL FUCKING DO IT! JUST SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!''

Finn shouted at the voice. Ever since Jake had moved out, things had turned upside down for the adventurer. Bubblegum wanted nothing to do with him it seemed, Marceline was too busy doing vampire things, and everyone seemed to not need a hero lately. He didn't know what to do with these feelings now that Jake was gone and couldn't cheer him up.

So imagine his surprise when he dropped his sword one day and accidentally cut himself that he discovered that it took those feelings away for a little while. He thought he was crazy, and ignored it until the feeling to do it again left him. But now it was back. And he couldn't, wouldn't ignore it anymore. He fumbled around his house tree hybrid until he found what he was looking for- a razor.

He didn't want this, but at the same time- he did. Very much so he wanted this. So he took a deep breath, exhaled, steadied his hand, and pulled across his forearm. He sucked in a quick breath- it stung. But it felt good. It was a distraction, he knew, something to take all the bad feelings away. But then again, what wasn't a distraction? He did it again- and again and again until his arm was stinging from elbow to wrist. He sighed contentedly, and began to clean the wounds. He noticed that they weren't deep, but they weren't shallow. 'Eh', he thought.' I've had worse.' But then his heart almost stopped when he thought of something else- people would see. People would think he was crazy, a danger. But then he knew he could wear his long sleeves and nobody would notice. He wore them every now and again; he knew they were long enough. Satisfied with his reasonability after that, he went to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Marceline was worried. She was worried about Finn, and how he was dealing with living alone. She of all people knew how hard it was sometimes. She decided once she was done in the night-o-sphere she'd visit Finn and try to cheer him up.

As she was flying towards Finns house, Marceline thought that something didn't feel right, she couldn't put her finger on it, but it was there. When she reached the home, she decided to be polite for a change and knock on the door before going in.

Finn had just put his shirt on when she appeared in his room. "Marceline, what the heck?! I was indecent!" He said, though smirking. "Oh please hero, it's not like I haven't seen your bod before.'' She said, laughing when he blushed.

Internally, Finn as freaking the flip out. His arm was stinging bad and he kept trying to rub it without her noticing. It ached and all he wanted was to sleep and do it again. Marceline, despite his best efforts, noticed this strange behaviour. "Hey Finn, is your arm ok? You keep rubbing it.", She pointed out. He nearly lost it. "O-oh yeah, just a bunch of spider bites. No big deal." He said and regretted it immediately. She frowned and said, '' Oh, let me take a look, I think I could help." She reached for his arm and he knew he was screwed.

"No-!" he said as she pulled up his sleeve. She gasped and turned even paler than usual. What she saw was something she never thought she'd ever see again. Along the underside of his arm was a crisscrossing network of fresh cuts. She was horrified by this, because this was not the first time she would have to help someone who had done this to themselves. She just wanted to know, why?

"F-Finn, can-can you explain this?", she said, as he turned away from her. He wouldn't look at her, let alone speak. She sighed, and removed herself from the room. She wondered briefly where they kept the band aids and antibacterial cream for a moment before finding the majority in the bathroom. She truly wished that she would not to have to do this ever again but things never seemed to go right for her.

"Finn, I'm going to clean these. It is going to hurt with this many.", she said as she rubbed alcohol onto the wounds. He hissed through his teeth, not because of the sting, but because of the cold liquid. "Finn, this is not ok. This is not an ok coping thing. This has got to stop. _Now._ " Finn didn't respond still. He just tilted his head a little more forward. She sighed; out of everyone, Finn was last person she thought would do this. She decided to use a different tactic.

"Finn, talk to me. I know what you're going through; I went through it too." At this he looked at her. Marceline? Doing what he did? _Cutting?_ No, she couldn't have; she was too strong for that. She had been through a lot in her life, and she was always too tough for life. She continued, "I know, I seem like I'm too tough and strong now, but there was a point in my life where _this_ was what I used to cope too. Look," she said showing her arms. He did and was shocked at what he found. All along her arms where neat little depressed scars, hardly noticeable if you weren't looking for them. There were a few where they were still white and raised and a few looked they were deep at one point. There were hundreds.

"Do you see what I mean? At first there were just a few, here and there, and then more and more and even more. Then it was a full blown addiction, doing it everyday just to get out of bed. For a long time. A long, long time Finn. Don't do this Finn. Please, think of everyone who loves you and cares about you." Finn was shocked. "M-Marceline, no one loves me." He said, remembering why he hurt himself in the first place. "That's not true Finn. I love you", she said before kissing him.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Finn was confused and shocked. _Marceline loved him?_ There was no way. There was no way she could ever love a screwed up mess like him. But here she was, kissing him. Holding him. Tight. Tears weld up in his eyes, but he didn't wipe them away, choosing to let them fall instead. He kissed her back, surprised to find her falling into his embrace easily. When they ran out of they pulled apart, but their foreheads touched. Finn kept his eyes closed, Marceline staring at his arm. She really did love him, and she was determined to keep him from ever doing _this_ again.

"Finn, promise me something." She said, tilting his head to meet her eyes. "Don't ever do this again. Never again; in fact, give me whatever you did this with." She held out her hand, giving him no chance to hide it. Finn was instantly panicking again. "I can't do that! What if I need it again?!". Finn knew his defence was weak; in fact it was the opposite of what she wanted. By the look on her face, Finn knew she was done playing around. "Finn the Human, give me the blade. Now." He sighed, stood up, and walked over to the under side of Jake's old cabinet. Reaching deep into a drawer, he found the cloth wrapped razor and handed it to her. Marceline pocketed the item, and said, "We need to get you some actual medical attention." Noticing the look on his face, she continued. "We're only going to go to someone who will understand this and can keep a secret. This is only for the open cuts, although if you want to get more professional help, we can do that too."

He thought for a moment of doing that and decided no. "I'd rather only do that if it gets bad." He said, pausing only to add, "Really bad, I mean." Marceline understood that, his pride obviously getting in the way, but he was in control of what he wanted to do. She'd rather he agree to the professionals but he was Finn after all. She asked if was ready and he nodded yes. Together they flew toward a tall candy tower holding a certain pink haired scientist/doctor. As they neared their destination, Finn grew more and more nervous. He was sure Bubblegum could fix the cuts sure, but he really didn't want her knowing he did this in the first place. Marceline noticed of course and reassured him, the princess has seen much, much worse. She wouldn't judge him, she hadn't judge Marceline when she would come to her for the same reason. "Really?" he asked. "Oh yeah, that's how we met actually. I needed stitches and I heard she was the best round so I tested that. Haven't heard the end since." She answered.

Still, Finn was apprehensive about this. He was the hero of Ooo, or he was supposed to be. But still, he had cut himself on purpose, had enjoyed it. He was going to have a lot to answer for very soon as the landed in the tower. They were greeted moments later. "Finn, Marceline, don't do that! This sensitive equipment!" she said referring to her latest machine. "Never mind that Bonnie, we have a problem. Come one, I don't think Finn wants to tell you." Finn was sulking in the nearest chair, holding his arm close to him. Bubblegum was confused but went with Marceline.

Marceline collapsed against the wall and sighed deeply. "Finn got a hold of a razor, Bonnie. It isn't good. I cleaned them but a few I'm worried about. We need you to take a look at them and make sure they're ok." Bubblegum was frozen to the spot. She wa shocked, angry, confused, worried, terrified and a hundred other things. _Finn did WHAT?!_ She burst back into the room and found a startled Finn but still he kept his arm close to himself. She looked hurt, she looked worried and she looked like she wanted to kill him. She held out her hand without a word and he placed his arm into it while she unwrapped the bandage. "Gut Gott im Himmel." She whispered to herself as she found the cuts. She inspected them for a moment, then nodded and rushed off.

She returned moments later with surgical thread, needle and anesthetic. She applied the numbing agent and started to stitch the worst ones closed. Finn, meanwhile, had not said a word or even moved from his spot, choosing instead to stare a hole into the floor. He could not remember a time when he felt so ashamed. When she was done, Bonnibel hugged him tight. "Finn, if you ever need me, please, remember that I will always be here for you. Please, please, don't ever do this again. I can't go through this again." She said as she loosened her hold on him. Finn was shocked; PB still cared about him? Instead of a verbal response, she got a physical one; he broke down and cried on her shoulder.

When he did so, Marceline came over and held both of them. Bonnibel, Marceline and Finn held each other until his sobs subsided. He knew now that he had people he could go to instead of hurting himself to feel better. He loved Marceline, and he loved Bubblegum like a sister. He eventually told them both, "Ok. Ok, if I ever need to talk, I'll come to one of you, or even both of you. Thank you, so much." He smiled a genuine smile, and they all thought he had a chance of making it through this.


End file.
